Customs, customs, customs. Running the gauntlet.

WORDS FOR THE UNWISE

There is a little thing called the Schengen Treaty that governs the rules of travel for non citizens in the European Union and Switzerland. This rule means that we can visit these countries for a total of 90 days within a 180 day period. The tally does not reset if you leave the area. It accumulates. Very important to know for globetrotters like me. I did know, but I kind of chose to forget.

By the time I, Ms Travel Idiot Extraordinaire, had finished with France, Spain, Italy and Switzerland I’d managed to clock up quite a bit more than that. I left from Rome so they didn’t even bother to look. One of the many reasons I love the Italians. Bellissimo!

Being the idiot that I am (once again I acknowledge that travelling has not made me smarter) I’d forgotten that Ireland was part of the Union. By the time I flew out of Dublin I was WAY over my allowance.

Adding to my idiotic woes I was also daft enough at the beginning of this trip to get an around the world ticket. This meant that I had to fly back to Zurich from Dublin to catch a flight back across the same route to Newark in New York. Oi vey!

Zurich airport is one of those airports that chooses to enforce the Schengen rule enthusiastically. I was only going through the airport but unfortunately was forced to go through customs. The penalty can be a fine or a period of ban. Not something I need. I picked the nicest looking lady, put on a winning smile and talked non stop. Oh my god I’m so tired, oh my god I had to get up at 4.30, oh my god can you believe they wouldn’t let me check my bag all the way through etc etc. Look tired, look pathetic, encourage empathy. By her silence and concentration I knew she was adding up all my dates, she knew and she knew I knew. I was ready to play dumb. What’s a Schengen? The blessed angel let me go without even bringing it up. I could have hugged her! I do like to hug stuff. Phew.

I then did the smartest thing I’ve ever done in an airport. I hit the Day Room! For 40 Francs I got a shower (to wash off all that nervous customs sweat) and a quiet bedroom for 3 blissful hours.

WELCOME TO THE USA

Going through customs in the USA is a little like a trip to the gynaecologist. No Irish Cead Mile Failte here. American customs is probing and personal and left me feeling a little violated. The flick through my passport which has admittedly been very busy this year raised an eyebrow. Why have you been to so many countries? Middle aged gap year. What about your job? I quit to have my middle aged gap year. It went on and on. What, how, why, and most importantly when are you going home? Are you travelling alone? Yes. Eyebrow raised extra high. How can you afford this? I told the truth but I shouldn’t have. After many hours of travelling my filters were down. Not sure that its a valid question. More like idle curiosity. The laser fingerprinting was a bit of a shock too. Feeling more than a little dirty, despite my shower in Zurich, and feeling very much on the grid I headed out into the USA for the first time.

WISH ME LUCK

What’s Zermatter?

TECHNOLOGY WOES – NOT EVEN CLOSE

When my brother and I originally mapped out this trip we saw how close Lake Como and Zermatt were on the map, and like our other journeys thus far figured it would be another short trip. There was in fact no direct route because of large mountain ranges in the way. Pesky mountains.

The day didn’t begin well when our GPS politely shat itself and wouldn’t accept the destination of Zermatt at all. We did the logical thing and entered a town along the way of our chosen route. Apparently suddenly and somewhat frighteningly capable of independent thought, the GPS took us nowhere close to that town but to another town about 200km west. Ironically it was an optional, if more circuitous route to our ultimate original destination. A weird experience. I was beginning to worry that our English voiced GPS system had developed homicidal tendencies and was taking us out to the remote Italian countryside to do away with us. Road signage in Italy leaves a lot to be desired so we can only trust the voice and hope for the best. She has been wrong a few times and perhaps she heard us running her down. Rise of the machines!!

We discover later the reason for our GPS’s confusion. It wouldn’t accept the original address in Zermatt because there are no cars allowed there. Who knew? People who do their research obviously. You have to park and ride. The train that is. It still doesn’t explain the long detour she took us on. I’m sticking with my paranoid theory. We later breeze through the border of Switzerland and Italy with just a cursory look from the Swiss guards. The Italian customs office wasn’t even open. It was Sunday and raining……

The reason for the no car policy is to maintain the pristine alpine environment. You have to leave your car in the huge parking facility down at a town called Tasch and take the train up the very steep slope to the village. Once at the top the transport is electric taxis. A five minute ride cost 18 francs which is about $20 AUD. We are a captive audience after all. The scary thing about the electric vehicles is they are virtually noiseless and they creep up on you. Had a few close encounters.

OLD TOWN
It’s cold and rainy of course. Is there any other kind of weather? Some of the rain looked suspiciously like snow to me. Zermatt is an old village and at 1620 metres and despite the tourism remains a little microcosm of Alpine life. A mixture of Swiss German, French, Italian, Portuguese, Romansh and of course English is spoken here.

THE MATTERHORN

The reason most people come to Zermatt is for the Matterhorn, the Toblerone shaped mountain that is a dizzying 4478 metres. Year round people come to climb that and various other mountains in the area. They also hike, paraglide, ski, cycle and a myriad of other crazy extreme sports. I later find out after wandering through a very sad graveyard dedicated to climbers that at least five hundred (stupid) people’s lives have been claimed attempting to climb that big hunk of chocolate shaped rock. What a waste of a life. For those of us with less of a death wish there is a train that takes you to a viewing platform close by for 88 francs ($100 AUD). A webcam image in the station lets you know whether the journey is worth it or not.

It wasn’t. The damn mountain is invisible for nearly our whole time in Zermatt due to persistent cloud cover which means that the train would only take us up into a very cold cloud with a view of absolute nothing but the very same cold cloud. Money well not spent. If I had that magic wand I could have done something about that. As a parting gift on our very last morning however, Ms Matterhorn decided to pop her head out for a very short time to have a quick sunbake and then promptly covered herself demurely again with her blanket of clouds .

That white space in the right hand corner is where the Matterhorn is meant to be.

My brother was up early and saw this.

I was up a half hour later and saw this, and then it was gone.

HUGGING
I’ve been remiss in my hugging program and our inability to go up the mountain has left me more time to indulge in one of my favourite hobbies. Zermatt had no shortage of things to hug.

Ok so I was actually trying to kiss the poor thing too.

I love sausage

Horny old goat

Spot the difference. OK it’s not hugging but ain’t those marmots cute?

Knobbly old trunk love

PLANT FILES
A few more specimens evident in this area to add to the usual monotonous alpine two trees story, most notable being these Silver Birch, Betula Pendula. Common throughout Europe, they cope well in the alpine environment. A worthy specimen for Victoria and Tasmania in Australia too. Silvery trunks with weeping lime foliage. Beautiful as a single stand alone specimen and very special in a grove.

Edelweiss – Leontopodium alpinum
Everyone has heard of Edelweiss thanks to the song in the Sound of Music. I really really really wanted to see one.

This is the closest I ever got to an Edelweiss.

This is a lovely little offering I found by a local landscaper. Tuliprific.

A great idea for a planter, if only it had something in it.

That’s it for Switzerland for now.
NEXT STOP AOSTA ITALY

But here’s a few more pretty picks

What the? It’s an ad for a chocolate shop that sells Matterhorn shaped chocolate. Couldn’t resist sharing it.

Ciao

Disentis & Bivio – where?

With names like that who would want to go there. The Swiss Family McRobinson of course.
These two very small towns in Switzerland were something special.

Disentis – I had low hopes for this village but it was stunning. It even had its own language that I had never heard of before – Romansh.

Located very close to Italy, this village joins others in likewise remote locations where this language has survived. To my uneducated ears it sounded like a mixture of Swiss German, Italian and Latin. They spoke German too but you could hear them speak Romansh amongst themselves. Nice to know that not everything old is extinct. Lovely warm friendly people.

The drive to Disentis is a bit fraught. The extended winter winter means that many of the passes that would usually have opened about a month ago are still closed so we have to backtrack and go the long way. I was looking forward to the Furkapass, with a name like that it has to be good but it was closed. No Furka for me. The winding roads are scenic as ever passing by lakes and through snow covered mountains. Even going the long way we get there in a few hours. Everything is so close here.

Every Swiss town has its ubiquitous church with punctual clock. In fact they usually seem to have more than one. Some have pointy spires and others have the almost Russian onion tops. This town has both but everything is dwarfed by the huge monastery that dominates the landscape on the hill.

A Benedictine sect that is also responsible for the education in the village, this monastery has had a chequered history since its beginnings as it was destroyed several times. These guys were persistent though and just kept coming back and rebuilding over and over again. All of the early brotherhood have been sainted so perhaps that is the inmates ultimate goal. These poor fellows live an austere life that seems to revolve around singing about 6 times a day starting at 5.30am and finishing at 8pm. We went to listen thinking with all that practice it would be something special. It wasn’t. Snore worthy.

We had dinner in a terrace restaurant with a spectacular view. The waiter gave us a free round of Amaretto (almond liqueur) after the meal so he will always hold a special place in my heart. Mum didn’t like hers so I got two! Happy days.

Afterwards I sat on this cow and felt much better. Moooo.

Bivio, St.Moritz
The drive here took about twice as long as it ought as once again most of the mountain passes we planned to head through were still closed. And once again despite the fact that it was the long way it only took about 3 hours to get there. The scenery along the drive is magnificent. Alps, snow, green valleys, mountain streams and waterfalls cascading down the slopes.

Bivio is an almost medieval little one street village but they still manage to have a post office and a tourist info centre. It’s proximity to the ritzy St Moritz means that it gets a steady stream of traffic and overflow accommodation needs. The drive over the Julierpass between the towns is a glacial stony landscape with the first patches of grass coming green as the snow melts. Still no damn edelweiss. Just dandelions as far as the eye can see. I’ve never been so glad to see them in my life. Much needed colour in this landscape. There are a few blue gentians and other purple things but the car whizzes past on the windy roads too fast to see and there is no safe place to pull over and stop. I have to make do with a magnet of the flowers instead of the real thing. My magnet collection is getting alarmingly large.

Diavolezza
The only cable car working in the whole area is just out of St. Moritz and was surprisingly cheap at just 33 Swiss Francs return. Diavolo means devil in Italian. Not exactly a reassuring name but up we went. Whilst not nearly as high as the Jungfrau the view is still spectacular. Dangling over the still plentiful snow is pleasantly stomach lurching. A fancy restaurant at the top had sheepskins for diners to warm their cold bottoms on.

St.Moritz

The view from the top of Diavolezza

Two trees, only two trees and nothing but two trees
Larch and Swiss Stone Pine
Larix decidua and Pinus Cembra are both conifers that can withstand these harsh snowy winters. The weather extremes means limited biodiversity and these two trees appear to be the lone successes. I’m bored but at least it is green.

So pretty. The lake makes it all better.

That’s it for Switzerland for a couple of days as we make a side trip to Italy!
NEXT STOP LAKE COMO

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A few pretty flowery things spotted on the side of the road.
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That’s height above sea level

Swiss family McRobinson

Back in Switzerland, the trip is now a purely family affair. Okay we’re not the McRobinsons but for the sake of art perhaps we should consider a name change. My niece lives here, my mother is here, my sister was here and now my brother has arrived.

The niece and I bonding over cocktails

I’m still not overly enamoured with Zurich, she’s too much of a nice girl for me but there is always fun to be had somewhere. Plenty of nice things to see and do but the weather has generally been what can only be described as shite. Freezing bloody cold and rainy. If the weather is in your favour a trip around the lake is nice and we did squeeze one in. Nice, nice, nice. It is the only appropriate descriptive word I can find for the place.

There was this very nice flower clock too.

Trouble at the KuntzMuseum
Spoilt for choice in Zurich, she has lots of arts and galleries but I’m glad we made the effort for this one. The Kuntz Museum was calling to me as it has an impressive collection of Impressionists. Love my Monet. Lots of other big names there too like Matisse, Chagall, Lieberman, Bonnard, Picasso, Renoir and I saw my first Rembrandt. Feeling very cultured!

Oh that’s right the trouble. A sign telling us that Wednesday was free day to us meant just go on in. Apparently not. Apparently one is still meant to go to the counter, get an official button to wear on ones clothes confirming ones permission to be wandering around admiring the art. My sister got bailed up at the very last room by a vigilant employee and reprimanded for lack of button. In true Dani style she marched up to the counter, got herself a button, and marched right back to that last room to view some unimpressive sculptures. Apparently one is also not meant to carry ones umbrella around and is meant to put it in appropriate public receptacle for the duration of ones visit. We know for next time.

University Botanic Gardens
Tropical bio-sphere domes on the tourist brochure beckoned me to this site only to be disappointed. The domes were a look from the outside in affair. Hate being teased. Inside were tropical plants, cacti and other exotic things. Lush grounds complete with duck pond and friendly cat were pleasant to wander around except for the persistent rain. Other gardens included a rock and Mediterranean but again the shite weather meant that everything was not quite there.

LUCERNE
Swiss family McRobinson drive to Lucerne. Much hilariousness and scariness ensue driving in the rain on the other side of the car on the other side of the road. Glad it’s not me driving. The world is safer. Just trying to work out how where the damn reverse was in the car was only the beginning. FYI it’s pulling the gear stick up and to the left.

The unseasonable persistent European winter continues. Spring is officially over and the summer begins with yet another wintry rainy day. The river running through the centre of town is swollen and rushing with glacial green water. Brrrr. There are more than a few bridges to cross the river but the really special ones are the old ones made of timber. Despite the rain, am liking the vibe of this little town. Doesn’t feel so new. The architecture is pretty special if you like that sort of thing.

If this copper was on a roof in Australia it would have LONG gone!

Old Swiss House Restaurant
The brochure told me this was or had been Michelin starred but this overpriced and overrated restaurant was missable. The smell of butter hits you like a smack in the face as you enter. I thought I was going to go into a lactose intolerant fit! The specialty of the house is Schnitzel which they cook with much pomp at the table and it wasn’t even that great. Never in my life have I seen so much butter. About half a pat and a coronary per schnitzel. They have a wall of fame on the way to the toilet to prove that the restaurant has been popular with such luminaries as Richard Nixon, Lyndon B Johnson and even old Blue Eyes Frank Sinatra. Nothing like lingering outside the loo to view old photos. To be missed.

Battlements
Our reluctant mother was pushed and almost carried up the hill to enjoy a tiptoe along the battlements that watch over Lucerne. Most excellent views of the lake and township so definitely worth the short hike. The many towers along the way can be climbed and one has gigantic clock in it with a very long pendulum. There is a rude joke in there somewhere but I’ll let it slide.

Lion of Lucerne

The tourist pictures of the lion carved into a wall didn’t prepare me for the poignancy and pathos of this extraordinary sculpture in honour of Swiss mercenaries who died in service to the French. The sculpture depicts a dying lion with a spear through his body in a wall of sandstone rock above a tranquil circular pond. The ambience of the location made me linger there despite the cold and rain.

The lion’s pain and anguish is palpable. How the sculptor managed to capture that moment in rock is truly extraordinary. Hands down the best sculpture I’ve ever seen. What I really wanted to do was climb up and give the poor thing a cuddle, I haven’t hugged anything in a while. Too wet! So to cheer myself up I did bad lion impressions. Grrr.

Bourbaki Panorama
Wow, wow and wow. This circular painting is so much more than I expected. A huge artwork conceived by a former Red Cross volunteer from this war, it apparently took 4 years of planning but just 4 months to complete with the aid of 10 artists. A surreal experience that brings you inside the war as it is all around you in this circular world. The lower portions are actual models and weapons adding to the raw 3D feeling. Tragedy, death, human resilience and the futility of war.

Rosengarten Museum
There is nothing else to do in the rain but get some culture and this gallery is a private collection by personal friends and big fans of Picasso. A whole floor devoted to him but none of it that I particularly liked. Another entire floor devoted to Klee. And in between a lovely little selection of Monet, Matisse, Renoir, Bonnard, Kandinsky, Vuillard, Chagall. Short but sweet.

INTERLAKEN – Desperately seeking Edelweiss

Another rainy day to drive to this town so named because it is between 2 lakes. The town itself is dwarfed by the monstrous mountains of Jungfrau, Munch, Eiger and more on all sides. Popular in winter for skiing, in summer it is adventure town with skydiving, paragliding and other death defying sports.

Our hotel is hilarious as it designed for little hobbit sized people such as myself. Even I can touch the ceiling with ease, my poor brother is in danger of concussion.

The travel gods decided to be kind and a glorious sunny day dawned so we headed to the base of Jungfrau, the mountain that at it’s peak is the highest place in Europe – 4158 metres. To get close to the peak is a mere $195! It felt like a lot but you get your money’s worth. It is a slow journey up the mountain on two separate railways. The first half is in full view of the surrounding country, the last half almost entirely in tunnels. But never fear, they entertain you with promotional TV showing people doing crazy things up there in the high places like speed climbing or even worse, a marathon. You would have to be out of your freaking mind.

Once at the top the altitude made me light headed and giggly. Just climbing a short set of stairs felt like a lot of work. It was a bit like walking drunk, not sure if I was walking straight but hey, I’ve had a lot of practice. It is SO HIGH!

At the top, the highest railway station in the world at 3454 metres is full of shopping and culinary options but we eventually found the Tour sign which led us to the highest viewing platform called the Sphinx at 3571 metres. You really do feel as if you are standing on top of the world surrounded by snow covered peaks with blue sky above and looking down upon the clouds.

Downstairs is a long tunnel of solid ice to walk through. Along the way are amazing ice sculptures of bears, penguins, eagles, seals and other things. Apparently the heat of the multitude of visitors means that that have to continually recarve the sculptures and chill the tunnel.

Then it was time to walk out on to the slippery snow and into a balmy 5 degrees. It was absolutely packed with people. Massive tour groups of Japanese and Indians that actually broke out the Bollywood music in the snow at 3454 metres in front of the Jungfrau. Hilarious. I should have got a photo but was too busy trying not to slip on the ice. The important things is my bum stayed dry.

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The extended winter once again means that the horticultural offerings are scarce. I'd counted on seeing my first Edelweiss but nary a one to be seen. I was desperately looking out the train window all the trip up and back but it was pretty much dandelions all way. The best I could do was this flowery clock downtown in Interlaken with succulents and weedy bloody Alternanthera. Boring. The clock is clever though.

At the end of the day I am comforted by the thought at least that I’ve peed in a toilet at the top of the world. It’s important to feel like you’ve really been somewhere.
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NEXT STOP – The Swiss Family McRobinson go to Disentis ( hope it’s better than it sounds)