Barcelona – I tried to love thee

I tried really hard to love Barcelona but it hasn’t exactly lived up to my idyllic imaginings. I wish I wish I wish I’d never seen Vicki Cristina Barcelona because it just hasn’t delivered. Perhaps in my subconscious I thought Javier Bardem was going to turn up. It’s crowded, noisy, expensive and full of drunk Englishmen and Germans that yell a lot. Didn’t see any of those guys in the damn movie.

On top of that I've had a few things go wrong. Special mention here to my very dear friend Mike from Texas, (the Texas part is really important, he is not just Mike!) who remarked in only the way he can, and I quote, the vacation gods have taken a crap on me. Thank you Mike for saying the thing that cannot be unsaid.
I hurt my back before we got here, I hurt my ankle after I got here and I've had more than a few problems with accommodation. Nothing like being alone, lame and worrying about being homeless in a foreign city. I've had a crappy overpriced cave, a booking for the wrong hotel, a good but outrageously overpriced hotel and then finally a little apartment in a two week period. That's travel for you.

The lovely view from my new apartment, a library 🙂 and a car park 😦

Boqueria Markets on La Rambla. Once I had the apartment I could enjoy this vibrant cornucopia properly for this time and buy some of the fresh ingredients I’ve been lusting over. Nothing like being a participant, instead of a spectator. Food glorious food. I could stop eating alone in restaurants and cook some real food.

The food got me all pepped up and off I headed to worship once more at the altar of Gaudi. This time at La Pedrera.
Another queue of course but not so long today. Ahh the soothing colonial tones of my English audio guide, how I have missed thee. Casa Bastllo remains my favourite as it is a much warmer building but I am still awed by his genius. There is something more raw about this building, the bones of the structure are more on display. The view from the rooftop is again spectacular amidst the whimsical yet ingenious chimney tops and his Sagrada Familia in the distance has all my fellow pilgrims snapping pictures madly. Inside is the replica apartments and models of his other works that make me wish I could be a little tiny person and wander around and get a proper look rather than the bits we are allowed.

Barcelona FC Futbol
Post Gaudi giddiness I’m on the way back to my new apartment and I get caught up in the Barcelona Football Club Champions Parade! Not to be redundant, but it was electric. I am not a soccer fan, hours of watching overpaid athletes not score isn’t exactly my idea of a good time. However I couldn’t resist the atmosphere of a city full of people lining the streets dressed in their best fan wear, craning for a glimpse of their team and cheering them on. I was in the front row. It was sheer pageantry. First came the police on motorbikes. Then the foot patrol of the two types of Police they have here. The Guardia Urbana and the dashing Mossos d’Esquadra. I swear on my swooning female soul that there wasn’t an unattractive one amongst them, even the chicks were hot. Perhaps they get hired for their facade.

On one side of the street police come atop strapping dark horses, on the other astride white horses. Then a special escort of even prettier horses with riders in full military dress. Ummm then the street sweepers cleaning up after the horses. Very practical. Then more police on foot keeping the crowd at bay. The parade got louder as the drummers, dancers and street performers preceding the buses try with ease to whip the crowd into a frenzy. As the bus carrying the women’s team came past everyone was pretty excited then went ABSOLUTELY WILD as the men’s team followed. Oh my lord the screaming. Somewhere in the middle was the buses of groupies, cheerleaders and wives but everybody ignored those. The tall dark and handsome police kept all the craziness from spilling over into mania. It was truly exhilarating. I’m feeling all patriotic or whatever being a fan means, and I’m off to buy myself an FCB shirt first thing tomorrow. Actually probably just a magnet.

Las Golondrinas
Turns out not every day in Barcelona can be that exciting. A ride around the port and beaches sounds lovely right. Wrong! They asked me if I wanted to go on the 40 minute or 1.5 hour ride. I thought 40 minutes would be just fine. I missed the small print that told me that ride was only around the port. Imagine 40 long minutes getting gassed by a stinky diesel engine whilst enjoying the scintillating sites of dock works, container ships and cruise ships all lined up. Riveting stuff. Every single passenger got off the ship in silence without even saying Gracias. To be missed. I amused myself by taking photos of immature things instead and one good fun floating thing.

MONSERRAT & COLONIA GUELL
For my last full day in this city I thought I would get out further afield. There were two places I wanted to see and it just so happened that a tour company offered exactly those destinations in a shiny package for 61 Euros! Ouch, but I got a whole 3 Euro discount because I’d been on their big red bus around town. Sick of doing things on my own, a guided tour gave me the illusion of company.

Colonia Guell was an industrial socio-economic community founded by Gaudi’s patron in the 1890’s. It differed from other similar communities in Spain as he reputedly attempted to improve conditions for the people living and working there. Nowadays, it is just owned by the people who can afford to live there. It is worth doing a tour with a local guide as they can explain the history and the significance of the types of architecture used. The school teacher had a cool house, a bit sad to see it all abandoned today and the doctors house looked like a mini castle. The government used to tax people on the number of windows they had rather than square metre-age and the following photo shows their creative and I think sarcastic solution. Love it. The downside is that because of its historical significance none of the new inhabitants are allowed to to actually turn it into a window. So they continue to live in the dark.

Yet another of Gaudi’s unfinished masterpieces is here, the Crypt of Colonia Guell. Mr Guell wanted to enhance the spiritual life of his village and got Gaudi on the job, as you do. You can see the creative foundations here that he later used for the Sagrada Familia. It is almost a microcosm of that later work. All those delicious natural earthy shapes and curves but without the ostentation. Simply beautiful architecture imitating nature. The butterfly stained glass windows that actually open is a first for a religious space. Besides being an utter genius the man had a real gift for making spaces warm and inviting to be in. Any further work on it has been abandoned so that no other hand can taint the purity of his work. Apparently you can get married there but there is a 3 year waiting list. That would be awesome! If only I was the marrying kind. Anyone??

Montserrat Mountain
Continuing the theme of the being cursed by the gods of travel it is a rainy day, the mountains which I am very eager to see are enveloped in mist and it is bitterly cold. Joy. The point of going on a Thursday is that there is meant to be no crowds. Enhancing that sense of joy is the seven coach loads of Russian tourists that arrive and the place is now packed. You know how I love to queue! Ahh the serenity.

Montserrat has more than a few things to do but for me there were five big attractions.

The first is the ride up the mountain on the rack railway. A five kilometre metric distance winding up 550 spectacular metres.

The second is another ride up the mountain on the Funicular. And I thought I’d had all the funicular fun I could take in in San Sebastián. The difference with this one is firstly that you stand and not sit. And secondly oh my it goes really, really high. The ascent is to 970 metres above sea level up a very sharp slope. The summit is cloudy but surprisingly not too cold. The views are spectacular but would have been even better if there wasn’t so much cloud! These mountains were formed from sediment left over from when there was an ocean here millions of years ago. The remaining peaks loom above me. They remind me a little of the Blue Mountains in Sydney, minus all the Eucalypts of course. There are a few nice plants here and there but spring hasn’t exactly sprung in this part of the world yet thanks to the altitude.

In better weather you could spend half day up here hiking the slopes and having a picnic but not today. I make a short pilgrimage to a little church then get the hell back on the fun ride down the mountain. About 2 hours later as we were leaving town, the clouds cleared and the sun came out leaving the mountains in full view out the rear view mirror. Typical.

The third big attraction is the La Moreneta, an image of my girl Mary that was found miraculously in a cave on the mountain many years ago. She turns up like that. Oh the legends. The name means “the little dark skinned one’ as she is black but she wasn’t always. Some genius trying to protect her many years ago used a varnish on her that has turned black over time. I think it suits her. Probably a more realistic rendition, albeit accidental. The queue to see her was about an hour long because of the many bus loads of Ruskis but that was OK with me as I got to see a replica of her at Gaudi’s crypt in Colonia Guell earlier in the day and that was good enough.

The fourth is the boys choir that sing in the basilica where La Moreneta is kept. Montserrat is a very unusual town. Along with its location it has a school and choir that has been going since the 12th Century, run by as I understand it, a group of 80 monks. Or the monks are involved. Anyhoo, they only have 50 pupils, with 10 from each year between the ages of 8 and 11. Every child, along with their scholastic studies, must sing in the choir 6 days a week and learn at least 2 instruments. Every day at 1pm the choir sing with their angelic pre pubescent voices and tourists are welcome to watch in silence and are not meant to clap as is not actually a performance. I went as directed by my tour guide and found the church as packed as a rock concert. I bravely dived in and made my way amongst the crowd. There are very clear signs up in this church about no noise, no photos, no video etc but of course the hordes ignored. After awhile as I was waiting for the boys, getting shoved and stepped on, it just seemed unseemly to be participating in this group mind so I left without my ears being the benefit of these unusually gifted children. Bummer.

The fifth big draw for me was that Montserrat also has a Museum with some Picasso, Dali, Monet, Caravaggio and other masters but I ran out of time. A shame.

One final thing about Montserrat. The food sucks! My tour guide raved about this self serve restaurant with traditional Catalonian food. Just awful. I got touristed again! Will I never learn. Cold, salty, crappy overpriced food. The wine was OK, but it usually always is. In two weeks I think I’ve only had about two really good meals in Barcelona. Must be going to all the wrong places.

Catalonian folk dancing
One morning I was fighting my way through a pretty nasty saturday morning crowd on a side street off the Rambla and come across a plaza with a band in full swing and a group of random everyday people holding hands in a bit circle doing a very peculiar toe tapping dance. Flash Mob? No! Catalonian traditional folk dancing. Who knew?! Toe tapping goodness. It redeemed my faith in humanity.

So that’s it for Barcelona and Spain as a whole. Bit sad to be saying goodbye to Spain but not so much Barcelona. It’s lucky its got Gaudi, otherwise it may not have a lot else going for it. I’m one of those hypocritical tourists who think the tourists have ruined the place. And as I left walking past the mile long queue at Plaza Catalunya waiting for the tourist bus I was really ready to go..
Adios Amigos
NEXT STOP ZURICH

Barcelona – Good God Gaudi

Barcelona is one big city and there is a lot going on but everything is dominated by the indelible mark of Gaudi.
His unfinished masterpiece the Sacrada Familia cathedral is phenomenal. Biblical, gothic, whimsical, fantastical, fairytale, brilliant. The facade on the outside is awe inspiring not only from its sheer size towering above but also from the unusual shapes of the sculptures looking down upon us. This is the first clue that this is no ordinary religious monument. Much of the building is hidden from view by cranes and scaffolding and only hints at its genius. The little museum inside the cathedral gives insight simply and elegantly into Gaudi’s process and shows the natural objects that inspired him. Oh to be inside that mind just for an hour.

Once again the queues were ridiculous even though we already had tickets. We even had to queue to go into the gift shop. Felt wrong, so very wrong to queue to buy a magnet.

Casa Bastllo
Next on the Gaudi Whistle Stop tour is this miraculous house and that is just from the outside. Most places in Spain you can purchase an audio guide in any language for the monuments. I don’t usually do it as I enjoy just wandering around appreciating it in my own mind but here it is automatically included in the 20 Euro entry fee. Totally worth it. Comforting male and female english voices guide you around this many storied building. The downside is that it looks like everyone is walking around with a mobile phone pressed to their ear. Actually that is pretty funny. The upside is that everyone is on their own personal tour and hence there is hardly any talking because they are too busy listening. Bliss. The explanations are really in depth and poetic with music and sound effects as they try to evoke Gaudi’s process.

I’m fairly certain I walked around with an unintelligent “wow” expression on my face the whole time. Every tile, handle, window, timber has been chosen, created, fashioned and placed with so much care. One lasting and fantastic legacy of Gaudi is that he designed his work to be touched and used so for the most part it is ok to fondle the building. Got a few ideas for a renovation at home! A few whimsical colourful mosaic towers are just the thing.

Parc Guell
Stop 3. So poor old Gaudi was killed after an altercation he had with a moving tram. A ridiculously mundane way for an extraordinary man to die. He had dreams of a housing development high on the hill which never took off. He lived there for some time and could watch over his masterpiece Sagrada Familia in the distance. Only a couple of houses were completed and there it ended. Unlucky for Gaudi, but lucky for the city of Barcelona. Again the architecture, design, creativity and colour is just awe inspiring. The gardens are pretty nice too.

This is one of the few places in the city that doesn’t have an entry fee and is obviously loved by locals and tourists alike. Amongst the seething masses are the locals sitting on benches, walking their dogs, having kids parties or reading in a quiet spot. The tourists meanwhile, me included, are climbing over and taking pictures of everything. I had a little spill stepping off his stone cross a bit hard and have lamed myself. Oh the cruel irony, or perhaps poetic justice. The whole park has rocky and slippery grounds. Word to the wise, wear sneakers.

If you are really keen you can pay 5.50 Euros to go into Gaudi’s austere little house and stare at his bathroom, bedroom and prayer room. It is a mini museum so is kind of worth it.

Nothing like seeing a man’s throne room to really know the man.

Picasso
After Gaudi the next must see in Barcelona is the Picasso Museum. Another half hour long queue or so but once again worth it. I loved the first part of this museum especially his early work as a young man of fifteen doing self portraits. My next favourite is poor old Margot Waiting. I’m just going to go right out and say it. I don’t get cubism and I just can’t bring myself to like it. That’s right, I’m an artistic heathen. I think he was brilliant and then he just went mad. This is the first place where absolutely no photos are allowed and I think their policy works. Everyone was in the gift shop frantically buying loads of prints and postcards, more than at any other place I’ve been. That’s good euros.

Barcelona Turistic Bus
My Intrepid Tour is over now and so am making my way around this big city alone. Sad face. Not nearly as much fun exploring without friends so I bought myself a couple of days on the local tourist bus. It was much better than I thought it would be. From 9am to 9pm one get on and off the bus as many times as you like and you get a really well oriented in the city. Once again a soothing and informative English voice is my guide. My headphone socket was shorting out for the first twenty minutes and switched languages every few seconds which made for a confusing yet humorous ride until it eventually sorted itself out.
Poble Espanyol – the Spanish Village. Another excellent stop on the bus tour. If you only have one day in Spain and want to see examples of every type of architecture from across the country then this is the place for you. Actually no, go see Gaudi but if you any extra time then go here. Built for an exhibition in 1929 with the intention of demolishing it later, Poble Espanyol remains today as an tourist attraction home to artisans using the village as workshops and galleries to sell their wares. I came for the sculpture garden but most of it was closed for a private event. Dishonourable mention. Every type of traditional architecture across Spain is represented here, some replicas of actual buildings. After having travelled around Spain for nearly a month I could recognise styles I had seen along the way. Now that I am the lonely girl, I bought the audio guide so at least I had a pretend friend. Sadly the voice was insipidly annoying. American – just saying…… The colonial in me misses the comforting English accents of the other guides.

There was also some pretty funky art!

The Placa, the playa, the beach
The beach is where the beautiful people come out to play. Miles and miles of beach. The love of Gaudi means that this city embraces art and every now and then works of art just pop up here and there. The beach is no exception. Lots of restaurants to choose from down at the beach, all at Sydney prices. Ouch. We finally chose one and the handsome Spanish waiter quickly switched to his home grown authentic Aussie accent when he told us he was born in Spain but raised in Lidcombe eh! Yep, he said eh at the end of every sentence. They served me a melt in the mouth Tataki Tuna that had me nearly seeing God again. Mmmmm.

Jardin Botanic Historic
When is botanic garden, not a botanic garden. When half of it is closed. My excitement at finding this little gem next to the MNAC Museum quickly turned to disappointment. I had to laugh when the security guard handed me the guide book completely in Spanish. Luckily botanical names are the same the world over so it wasn’t a total loss.
Even the seats were closed!

Miramar Jardins and Costa i Llobera
Yep that’s a mouthful, Costa i Llobera, I haven’t even tried to say it. This was another find on the bus tour. These gardens are named after a poet and feature palm trees, cactus and other subtropical plants. In a fantastic location, on a sloping block looking over the ocean. Spiky good fun.

The Mirimar Gardens above them are more traditional with roses and such but have some pretty cool female sculptures.

La Rambla
One of the main streets in Barcelona, this crazy street is everything I didn’t expect Spain to be. Actually Barcelona is everything I didn’t expect it to be. Full of tourists, ultra expensive and commercial and lacking the charm of the other stops on my tour. The most conspicuous tourists being drunken UK blokes of all ages here on mini breaks where all they do is get really pissed and stagger around the streets make a lot of noise. Makes me want to pretend I don’t speak English. Back to the La Rambla. On my first day here I was mesmerised by the sight of people sipping giant Sangria on this street and so of course I had to have one. I am ashamed to say three things. Firstly in my excitement I forgot to ask the price before consumption. Big mistake, try nearly 20 euros. Secondly it wasn’t very nice. Thirdly the damn thing beat me and I couldn’t finish it. I’ve been sangria free for nearly a week now.

Only dumb tourists eat or drink on La Rambla.

I’ve got another week in this city before I head to Switzerland and England for the next phase of my journey. Hopefully I will have had a bit more fun by then.

Gaudi based his pillars on trees so of course I had to hug one.

Holy Cow – Valencia

The coolest way to get to Valencia is on a Very Fast Train. For a country in a financial slump they at least have their transport sorted. All the trains, trams and buses are clean and punctual but the VFT is queen. Ours clocked 301km but it happened on my way to the dining car so I only managed to snap the pic at 300km.

My tour leader David’s parents own a restaurant in Valencia so of course we head there. His wonderful Dad picks up our suitcases in his car so we can walk through the city unencumbered. Our first stop is the markets which reminds me a bit of the Queen Victoria Markets in Melbourne but in a much older building and with more exotic offerings. David had to get saffron for the restaurant so at least we made ourselves useful.

The beautiful restaurant, El Huerto meaning the Vegetable Garden, is in a building older than the settlement of Australia! Humbling. Spoilt rotten again, honourable mention to the best salad I have had the whole time I’ve been away and the mandarin sorbet with vodka. Ooh la la.

Valencia Cathedral – Holy Cow!
I almost opted out of this as I have had just about enough Jesus for a while until I heard these guys had the Holy Grail. Holy cow! So off we go. The holiest of grails is housed in a glass case in its own little chapel within the cathedral. A stained glass grail image window shines down on us from on high while angel music is piped in. The pamphlet I later buy for 15 cents tells me that this dead carpenters cup from 2000 years ago is carved out of a big piece of agate, has a gold base with 28 pearls AND 2 emeralds. The pamphlet also tells me “that nothing can be said against the idea that it was utilised by The Lord during the first Eucharistic consecration.” Ok then I won’t say anything! I just might be thinking a few sceptical thoughts. Eighteen Euro will buy you your very own imitation Grail. I was sorely tempted but I just don’t have the room in my bag. Damn, oops sorry for swearing, oh bother.

Jardines del Turia
Holy Grail aside, a city is a city is a city. Until we found this place I could have been in any city in the world. Valencia is Spain’s third largest city and thoroughly modern.

Valencia used to have the Turia river going through it. Now it has the Turia Gardens. Apparently they had flood problems back in the 1950’s so that was quits for the river. Diverting and filling in a whole river seems a tad extreme, however sarcasm aside, it is a most excellent park. We were fortunate to be here on Labour Day so the vibe in the city was high. It was a glorious sunny day and we walked from the city centre down to the Arts & Science Museum for an hour or so. The Valencians were out in force enjoying their park. Jogging, cycling, soccer, dogs, kids playgrounds, ponds, sculptures, cafes and loads of plants to keep me happy.

Purple flowering Polygala, Jasmine, Oleander, Bismarck palms, Acanthus, Oranges, Lemons, Hibiscus, Olives, Dragon Tree (Dracaena Draco) and roses roses roses galore. The wife and I had a Sound of Music moment in the roses. All thoughtfully planted in sweeping collections to maximise the impact.

BUT the star of the show is the Ceiba speciosa or bottle tree. Related to and resembling the Baobab tree, Adansonia. Common in Madagascar & Africa, we have a lone species native to Australia. This guy has nasty thorny spikes on the trunk, so definitely no climbing. It looks great as a single specimen but is particularly striking here planted in a grove.

Expats
Silky Oak – Grevillea Robusta
Another Aussie having a good time here. Looking great next to more fragrant White Cedar.
Callistemon Viminalis – Weeping bottlebrush
We keep seeing these in Spain and they seem to be very at home as they are covered in flower. They’ve used them here in hedges.
Peppermint Gum – Eucalyptus nicholli.
I could be wrong about the exact species but it looked like it and smelt like peppermint so close enough.

Museu Faller Fire Festival
Every year in Valencia since the 18th Century they burn stuff in a festival called Les Falles. Just after St Patricks day in March, it is celebrated on St Joseph’s Day. Named for Jesus’s earthly daddy. Originally the people made puppets or “Falla” depicting people or situations they disliked and later burnt. I enjoy the idea of the impermanence of the works. Creating something just to burn it. A giant citywide cathartic sacrifice. The festival continues to this day on a much grander scale. Since the 1920’s one falla that is considered best in show or the “ninot” is saved from the fire and kept in the museum. Creepy, grotesque, funny and poignant, the Fallas are amazing. The artwork on the advertising posters alone is brilliant. I was disappointed at the end to find there is no gift shop as I was hoping to pick up some prints. Entry is only a couple of euro. Bargain.

La Playa
One does not go to Valencia for the beaches. Our hotel is there, lucky us. It is a funny area. Funny strange, not funny haha. The beach is about 200 metres wide, the sand is more than a bit grotty and there are large deposits of sand up to 500 metres away on the road from storms. There were tractors up at dawn shifting it all. The area is part resort, part marina, part ghetto. The beachfront has numerous restaurants serving disappointing food but is full of Valencians enjoying their beachfront. As long as they are happy! Valencia is reputedly the home of Paella and I had the worst one ever here. Big heads up to The Balcony restaurant in Byron Bay for their paella, still to be matched. Just like our beaches.

NEXT STOP BARCELONA (and my Intrepid tour is over, on my own for a while after this).

That is not a helmet from Star Wars, it’s the Arts & Science Museum

Very Fast Train. Vroom vroom.

Cordoba – short but sweet

Half a day in Cordoba is not nearly enough. For a small town there is heaps to see and we missed nearly all of it. Along with our dearth of time I had a sore back and the sniffles from catching a chill in the snowy weather of Ronda so wasn’t my usual enthusiastic self. Poor little me. Every time I don’t see something I just figure it is an excuse to come back.

Mezquita Catedral – if you see nothing else this is the must do.
Mosque & Cathedral all rolled into one extraordinary package. The Catholics cannibalised mosques all over Spain, generally turning their minarets into bell towers. This time they did the smart thing and kept most of the architecture too. Collective gasps are heard on entering this building. A place of peace and beauty.

Oh and weirdness. I kept wondering if the lucky Catholics buried here were actually pirates as they have skull and crossbones on their plaques. I also spotted a charming box for the dressing table.

Cordoba has the newest ancient Roman bridge I’ve ever seen. It has obviously had a makeover. Pleasant promenading to be had here now that the sun is out again.

Plant files

White Cedar – Melia Azedarach
Native to Australasia but a weed known as Chinaberry in America. Ironically we rarely get to see them looking so beautiful in Australia as they get defoliated by a local grub. Here they are gloriously in bloom and the air is full of their fragrance. The leaves and fruit are poisonous. Birds who can eat them reputedly get intoxicated after ingestion. Drunk pigeons!

Honourable food mention
Museo de la Tapa Y Vinos
Delicious food easy on the palate and handsome waiters easy on the eye. All kinds of good. Yummy. Another reason to come back.

Things I missed

Dishonourable mention
Julio Romero de Torres Museum because it was closed in a town full of tourists.
Google the Museum, very disappointed as the art looks fab. Right next to the square El Potro immortalised in Cervantes Don Quixote, a real place where they sold horses and handicrafts.

Spanish Inquisition Museum – because UGH! Instruments of torture mainly used to hurt women.

Palace Gardens at night- because we were busy ogling cute waiters. Apparently a great show to be had with lights and water features.

Royal Stables – Closed! Apparently a magnificent equestrian show to be had.

NEXT STOP VALENCIA

Redolent but rainy Ronda

Redolent being a good thing. The good kind of smell that is. Rainy not so much.
The orange trees that line the streets of Ronda are positively laden with fruit and full of blossoms. The walk to out hostel dragging our bags has never been so pleasant. Our hostel The Virgen of de Los Reyes has ducks on the shower curtains and a lady who doesn’t smile at us until we check out. Yes that is how they spell virgin here.

Things in Ronda get off to a brilliant start when the owner of our lunch restaurant brings out his BOTA. This is a traditional wine skin made out of pigskin filled in this instance with homemade port. The trick is to squirt the liquid into your mouth from a distance without getting it all over yourself. Fail! Our group tends to spontaneously attract random alcohol from waiters. Is it just us?

Orange trees and Bota aside, Ronda is all about the scenery. The town perches on the edge of a gorge, El Tajo, spanned by an 18th century bridge. Being Intrepid travellers we hiked down to the bottom and up again in about two hours. Phew. The flora along the way is delightful with brilliant red poppies amongst other brightly coloured purple and yellow flowering weeds I am unfamiliar with. The gorge itself is filled with more prickly pear (Opuntia sp.), edible fig (Ficus carica) dripping off the rock walls and even liquorice smelling Anise (Pimpinella anisum) growing wild.

And oh my goodness what is that ice cold white stuff falling from the sky – SNOW! Not just rain or sleet but snow. Thank god it waited until after we had finished our walk. Clad once again in my black winter coat it was hard to believe that just a couple of day before I was on the beach and in the water in Tarifa.

Ahh Tarifa, those were the days

Wine Museum. Bodega La Sangre De Ronda
As a reward for our arduous walk the team headed for the wine museum. Four Euro lets you walk through the museum and taste one wine. Ten Euro lets you taste seven. Hmmmm which one? Decisions decisions. To our delight the first two wines were on tap out of a wall. Not great wine but hey it came out of a wall. Serious consideration given to installing one of these at home. The next lot came out of barrels, not as singular but still entertaining. Seven tastes (maybe ten or more for someones- not me for once) and one informative hour or so later we roll out of there and into the nearest restaurant offering one of those lunch deals I have come to love so much. An entree, main, dessert and glass of wine for 8.50 Euro. Bargain. The joke of Ani and I being married went too far when someone announced to the restaurant at large that I had the Cojones in the relationship. Might have been the eleven glasses of wine she had. The lovely older couple we had befriended on the way in passed me a note wishing me of the big cojones happy travels. Nice

Museo del Bandalero
Who doesn’t love the story of Robin Hood and his merry band of men robbing from the rich and giving to the poor? Or Aussies and our very own Ned Kelly. Well move over and meet the Spanish Bandaleros. These mutton chop wearing blood thirsty sadists robbed from the rich to give to themselves and are so beloved by this town there is a museum devoted to them. The exhibition is excellent with exhaustive newspaper reports of the time, life size models and artefacts such as guns, machetes and knives. For all of the romance attached to them, none of the descriptions of the men were particularly flattering and instead of men who had entered the worthy profession to indulge their sadistic natures.

Get thee to the Nunnery – Fashion of Andalusia
A convent is the last place one would expect to have this experience but we were directed to this exhibition of Andalusian fashion from days of yore to today by our happy receptionist. The old convent is another beautiful historic building, the fashion parade was a bit like a one year TAFE course graduation show. There to watch their daughters, the glitterati of Ronda were out in numbers, complete with some conspicuous facial nip and tucks and we felt a little out of place. The stars of the show as far as we were concerned were a trio of little girls that made the audience all gooey.

New category hopefully never to be used again:-

Things I missed because it snowed

Jardines Y Mina Secreta: Gardens with Secret Mines . How cool does that sound but we missed it.
Raptor Show – Some of our team made this and loved it.

NEXT STOP CORDOBA

Wine wall: space saving, decorative and fun

Turds of Tarifa and Modesty in Morocco

Just over 2 weeks ago I was freezing my bits off in Paris wearing my new black frock coat, and today I’m half naked on the beach basking in the sun. I took one for the team and bravely threw myself in the ocean here where the Atlantic & Mediterranean meet. It was cold! Not the kind of cold that gets better after you’ve been in for a while. It doesn’t, its bloody freezing but invigorating.

Sunny Tarifa on the Spanish coast is a picturesque little town with white clad buildings, winding streets and lots and lots of dog shit. Picture Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets trying to avoid the cracks on the sidewalk. That’s what walking through Tarifa is like. Our guide David reckons there is more dog kaka here per square metre than anywhere else in Spain. A shame.

At the Puerta de Jerez there is a painting of my old mate Jesus exposing himself a little more than usual. He wasn’t a brazilian!! The church here was particularly beautiful. There were two statues of him here that I loved. One of him looking a bit more realistically coloured, sadly a crap photo. And a poignant tragic depiction of him and his mummy post crucifixion. .

The coastline is dotted with ruins of battlements from wars with the Moors. Africa is visible across the way, just a like a trip on the Manly Ferry to Circular Quay. So of course we have to go. It’s another continent and it’s right there!!!

Tangier – Morocco, Africa
Strap on your patience and get ready for a trip to Tangier. It’s so much better than it sounds. My new roomy for this tour Ani and I, or the wife as I like to call her, booked the 59 Euro guided tour. Good value considering the ferry alone costs 32 Euro return.

BUT, and this a a giant big BUT, this is not a tour of Tangier so much as a kidnapping where you pay your own ransom. The brochure sounded lovely. A guided tour of the Kasbah, Souk, some shopping and a lunch in a typical Moroccan restaurant. Dreamy.

Firstly the ferry was 2 hours late, then we waited in line on the ferry for half an hour for Tangier customs. Then we waited an hour in the port car park for 2 tourists who got stuck on the ship in customs and never came. Patience, patience, patience.
When the tour FINALLY got under way our guide told us of the wonders of the Kasbah and the Souk we were about to experience, so you can imagine our astonishment when we unexpectedly stopped on the side of the road next to a camel. Next thing you know, the wife and I are on a camel. We’d worn long skirts in an effort to respect the local culture and instead find ourselves astride a camel showing an awful lot of lily white leg. So much for modesty.

The Kasbah and the Souk, hmmm, not sure if we went there but we were consecutively frog marched and deposited unawares into particular shops along the way where our guide proceeded to ignore us while she had a chinwag with her obviously very good friends. My vision of wandering through an exotic market place dashed, we were instead subjected to “presentations” by carpet makers, a pharmacy flogging imitation Moroccan Argan Oil, and various other outrageously priced stores of shoes, lamps, tagines, knickknacks etc.

The vendors of Morocco don’t so much as haggle as extort. As a female its very intimidating as they are all men and if you so much as pay something more than a passing glance they pounce and say “how much you pay, how many you buy?”, then they ask for about ten times the price. The street sellers are desperate and follow you along way down the street. One guy was so enthusiastic he was still waving his wares at us as our bus drove away. Our guide was patently pissed at us for our lack of big spending for the commission she was obviously missing out on.

As for the lunch, the restaurant was authentic looking with beautiful decoration and we were entertained by a traditional band but frankly I make better couscous. Even though alcohol was on offer I chose not to drink out of respect (yes me!) but oh boy did we hit the bar quick on the ferry back to Tarifa. A tour to be missed but we were glad we went. We laughed ourselves stupid and the worst experiences are always the best stories.

Honourable mentions for food in Tarifa
Brasseries Vaca Loca
They may be crazy but I had the steak of my life at this restaurant run by some Germans. Not Spanish prices at 22 Euro but melt in the mouth meaty goodness.

Oca something – Look for the golden goose logo
An Italian restaurant run by Sergio. Most excellent pastas and pizzas. I had a slab of local Tarifa Tuna that was sublime, half raw, it was like sashimi on crack. All washed down with a delicious Sicilian wine.

Plant Files
Carpobrotus species. We have this little guy at home. A very salt hardy useful succulent with pink or yellow flowers and used in bush tucker. The fruits are edible and the sap can be used like Aloe Vera. I had the unenviable experience of trying to explain the word tucker to my new friends from Texas & Toronto. Hmmm. Anyone?

Prickly Pear
This plant, a noxious weed in Australia, is used both ornamentally here and employed usefully as a hedge plant on the boundaries of olive orchards. Looks great but I bet its a bitch to maintain.

Eucalyptus
Nothing says Spain like Eucalytpus. Here they are used a favoured street and park tree. A little piece of home. Just missing the koalas.

Ficus
This giant Ficus is reputedly 800 years old. The paint around the trunk is to repel insects. Lucky for them it matches the local decor.

THE THINGS I MISSED
Whale & dolphin watching
I didn’t go because I thought it would be tourist trap but my friends who went saw pilot whales, sperm whales and lots of dolphins.

Gibraltar
Just one hour by bus, if you want to speak English, eat fish & chips, see monkeys and a big rock. I’m still recovering from a Balinese monkey incident where it stole my favourite cap so I passed. The highlight of my travelling companions trip was seeing a monkey penis. Joy!

NEXT STOP RONDA

Something about Sangria in Seville

Another city another Alcazar. Ho hum. The Real Alcazar in Seville is another royal residence (Real meaning royal) used by Izzy & Ferdy. Still occasionally used as one today but mainly a tourist attraction. While undoubtedly beautiful, it is the poor cousin to its namesake in Segovia as it is missing the grand location. The gardens are full of the now usual suspects of Banksia Rose in pink and yellow, palms and box hedge. The English Garden is my favourite part of the grounds with lofty trees providing an oasis of shade. An harassed peacock wanders around looking for some peace from the incessant attention of tourists. Serenity now!

Oyster Plant Acanthus mollis.
I’ve spotted this leafy plant with purple flower spikes mass planted at all of the castles visited but this is the first time it has been in flower.

After incurring the wrath of God by missing the cathedral in Granada I made sure I didn’t miss this one. This cathedral is the largest Gothic Cathedral in the world and the third largest catholic cathedral after St Paul’s & St Peters. Seville is packed with people and visiting this day it was a zoo with a very long line. Originally a Mosque, the Catholics took it over in the 11th Century retaining the minaret and turning it into the Giralda bell tower. Worth the trek up a series of 35 ramps in a square spiral, as the view of Seville is pretty damn good. It is an odd sort of building, a mishmash of muslim, renaissance, baroque and modern periods. Thankfully they kept the Orangerie courtyard, the trees have big chunky trunks showing their age. Little Chris Columbus is buried here too in a box lifted high upon the shoulders of 4 very serious looking dudes. All the cathedrals are starting to look the same now. More rosy cheeked baby Jesus, forbidding looking statues of angry dudes and Mother Mary standing on cherubs etc.

The Orangerie from on high.

Plaza de Toros. The Bullring
This was an hour of my life I can never get back!! Convinced to go for its historical value and to get a look at some costumes with bling, but ugh! I found the whole experience distressing. Sadly still in use today, the ring itself is a thing of beauty with its golden sand and architecture. They think their sand is so good they sell bottles of it in the gift shop. A must have souvenir.

The “Art” of bullfighting was explained to us by a rather defensive woman. Apparently it all began as an army training technique using the same breed of wild bulls they use today and people enjoyed watching it so much they turned this worthy pastime into a sport. Happily they liked killing each other too as the examples of severed heads around the museum tell us. Every bullfight takes about 20 minutes and they have 6 fights every event. A couple of hours of bloody goodness. They torment the bull “artistically” for about 15 minutes by getting daringly close then they execute it “artistically”. As my new travel mate Mike from Texas put it, like a cat with a mouse. If you are a really lucky dead bull and died giving extra special entertainment to the blood thirsty crowd, your severed head goes on the wall. Ole’! Fighting bull tail is a delicacy in local restaurants. As evidenced by their costumes and to my undying amusement all the bullfighters are little pint sized men. Picture me with my little finger up in the air. Compensation or what.

Flamenco
Speaking of compensation, the Flamenco or more accurately the Sevillianas we saw here was a bit of a disappointment after the Madrid show. This time the male was the star of the performance and supremely talented. Both the singer and the dancer were little guys wearing very tight pants so we could see exactly what they were packing. It’s just not attractive in any language. It was supposed to be more traditional with just a guitarist who was brilliant, a singer and 2 dancers. It was more intimate but also a more touristy experience.

Plaza de Espana
This was a highlight of Seville. My guidebook tells me this site was originally used to burn witches for 300 years during those fun Inquisition years. An absolutely brilliant building was built for a world expo and today you can go punting there instead for 5 Euro. Much nicer. The tile work alone is gorgeous. Across the road is a park that we cooled off in before the trek back to the hotel. On the backs of our maps it tells us the promenade at the Plaza is used for “the custom of popular rooting”. Lost in translation.

Hotel Don Pedro
We loved staying here. Great security, beautiful reception area and free tea and coffee.

Honourable mentions food and drinking establishments

El Rinconcillo, established 1670 is my new all time favourite bar. Filled with memorabilia, beautiful tiles and we got hit on by a gentleman that has possibly been there since it opened. He wrote us a little love note on a napkin telling us we were beautiful flowers of Seville. Sadly the romance didn’t last and the next time we went by he was hitting on some younger prettier flowers. I was heartbroken.

La Parihuela in the Jewish area.
We got touristed! The waiter asked us if wanted mixed tapas and we said yes without looking at the menu. Stupid tourists. We were too busy guzzling Sangria. Two massive platters emerged from the kitchen to the amusement of all including the other patrons. So we obliged by making a game of every time we finished one, clapping & singing Ole Ole Ole Ole, and stacking our plates into the leaning tower of Seville. The waiter rewarded us with free shots of caramel vodka that he insisted we drink without hands. Very ladylike.

Enrique Becerra
Most excellent food to be had. Sublime Ceviche and this Almond Garlic Soup concoction. Very friendly staff that charged me 2 kisses when I went back to get my misplaced map. Mwah.

PLANTS
Nearly forgot the horti bit again. I found some old Australian friends in the streets of Seville including Native Rosemary – Westringia Fruiticosa and Bottlebrush – Callistemon sp. They seem to really like the climate here. I also found a not so much good mate as an old enemy in Lantana. Pomegranate as a hedge was a happy find.

THINGS I MISSED
A cruise down the river Guadalquivir
The Torre del Oro – a 12 sided tower, part of the Alcazar fortifications.
The Indian Archives
Hospital de la Cadridad – apparently founded by Don Miguel Manara the inspiration for the infamous Don Juan to atone for his naughtiness.

NEXT STOP Tarifa, Costa De La Luz

Olives & Oranges in Granada

The 5 hour trip on the bus from Madrid is through olives, olives and more olives. Mmmm olives. I think I’ve established that taking pictures out of moving vehicles is not my strongest skill but I want brownie points for effort. The ditches on the side of the road have the added beauty of brilliant red poppies growing wild. My new guide David tells me the area our train was speeding through produces 90% of the olive oil in Spain and 35% of the worlds. I’m too lazy to fact check so no responsibility taken for these figures.

 

Granada is my kind of town. They have oranges and bay trees growing on the streets. Handy if you need a bit of citrus for your Sangria or a bit of extra flavour for your pasta sauce.

ALCAZAR – Wisteria Wonderland
Granada is all about the Alcazar, my other new castle. Perhaps I’ll use it as my summer palace. Quick history lesson. Begun in the 13th Century by Muhammed I of the Nasrid dynasty (there were 11 more Muhammeds to come) and later the home of the Catholics Isabella of Castile & Ferdinand, then Charles V & Isabella of Portugal. Chuck built his own Palace on the site as did nearly everyone before him. Brought to the worlds attention in the early 1800’s by the American writer Washington Irving in his Tales of the Alhambra and restored by the architect Leopoldo Torres Balbas in the early 1900’s. Now a world heritage site. Viewed at sunset from across the way, the tourists stand with cameras ready as the building goes golden in the light of the setting sun. Serenaded by some local colour. Ole’!

And joy of joys there are gardens. Lots of them. The labyrinthine grounds take many hours to wander around. Every palace has its own style of garden with lots of colour. Purple wisteria abounds, the trunks are old and gnarly. Espalier, the art of growing plants flat against walls, is used extensively with not only oranges and vines like the yellow Banksia Rose but unexpected plants like Oleander and creeping Rosemary.

Aesculus Hippocastanum – Labelled here as Castano de Indias or Indian Chestnut. Commonly known as Horse Chestnut as it is poisonous to horses even though it is not actually a chestnut. These majestic deciduous trees with soft lime green leafy foliage and white flowers that have been driving me mad wanting to know what it is. First spotted in San Sebastián as it was the leafy treetops outside my hotel room but obscured by scaffolding and tradesmen at dawn. Ahh the memories.

JudasTree – Cercis siliquastrum. I’ve been seeing this beautiful tree throughout my travels and have been wondering what the hell it was. Poor old Judas is thought to have hung himself from this tree but other sources say that the French common name Arbre de Judee meaning Tree of Judea is the likely origin of its name. It has heart shaped leaves a bit like a Bauhinia and is therefore sometimes called the Love Tree. Just beautiful. I gave it a hug.

Wandering through the backstreets of Granada is a real pleasure. The streets are like a mini Grand Bazaar of Turkey. Worth the effort to get lost and just wander around. The Moroccan influence is really obvious. Beware of the women shoving rosemary into your hands. They are gypsies selling false fortunes that then try to demand exorbitant sums of money. I’ve developed the “no Gracias” followed by a sophisticated duck and weave. Once that rosemary is in your hand you are buggered.

New file: The things I missed because of siesta.
The burial place of Isabelle & Ferdinand. I’ve been seeing them a lot lately so feel its ok from now on to call them Izzy & Ferdy. Right in the middle of town, this little site is reputedly well worth the visit.
The Cathedral. I was later punished for this as my prize $2.50 saints charm bracelet from San Sebastián was gone from my wrist when I got back to hotel after the Alhambra. Lesson to self. Always visit God! Bummer. Sad face.

NEXT STOP SEVILLE

I like hugging stuff.

Mistress Madrid

Oh gods be good, all that church going has paid off and rewarded me with a Botanic Garden! With leaves and flowers and everything! I’d almost given up hope.

Azaleas, Rhododendrons, Camellias, Acers, marigolds, freesias, tulips and this glorious fragrant Banksia Rose. Thorny but nice. I was almost in a frenzy!

My nickname in the group by one particular member has been Petal Face so here I am embracing my floral crown.
And the gardens went on with fruit trees, vegetable gardens where do not pick the food because:-

They were even having a go at growing some cycads but they weren’t looking overly happy. But I came across this old friend from Australia simply thriving.

Xanthorrhoea or Grass Tree (or Black Boy if one hasn’t embraced political correctness. Time to get with the program.)

The avenue to the bathrooms is an arbour of grapes of every variety which would have been beautiful if it had leaves!! Oh well. Just when my feet thought they were about to get a rest I discovered a glass house steaming with tropical plants on one end and arid cacti & succulents on the other. So happy! My feet were not so happy but this horti felt like she’d had a meal. A feast of plants.

Madrid is my last stop with this group of Intrepid travellers so we treat ourselves to a special evening. We realise that the whole trip has been one of gluttony and treating ourselves every night but this time we put on some nicer clothes.

FLAMENCO
Casapatas is the place to go. I wasn’t expecting much thinking it was going to be a tourist trap and instead got blown away. Incredible band, incredible singers and the most beautiful dancer. She had us all in her thrall, absolutely mesmerised, including or perhaps especially the band as they keep playing just to see her dance. Ole’!

Yes I realise this is a crap photo but you know…….

RESTAURANT BOTIN – the worlds oldest restaurant is in Madrid.
The Guinness Book of Records says so. We believe them.

We were very spoilt as our Grande Poulet worked there once upon a time and we got the back stage tour. A man of many talents. The original oven built in 1725 complete with original tiles is still present and working today. Three stories of vibrant, noisy dining and packed to the rafters. Before we dined we were shown the oven and the secret cellar of wine, dusty with age.

During dinner we were entertained by a troupe of musicians dressed in what can only be described as pantaloons singing rowdy Spanish songs that had everyone singing along. Ole’. The food was exquisite and we were spoilt even more with extra dishes and the best sangria served in pottery jugs. An evening to treasure.

Travel note. Madrid is a den of thieves with very experienced pickpockets that work in teams. The nice man dressed in a suit looking like he’s going to work could be a thief. Wear a cross body bag, never take your hand off it and put nothing in your pockets. Two guys pretending to be in a rush to get off the train were actually trying to get into one of our teams backpacks. But they didn’t reckon on our eagle eyed valiant Poulet who thwarted them in their dastardly deed and sent them on their way.

This plaque in Madrid is the exact centre of Spain and legend says that if you come to this spot and put your foot right here you will return. I’ll back!

NEXT STOP GRANADA

Cheers

Sleepless in Segovia

But first we had one more adventure in San Sebastián called ‘Fun with Funicular and Funfare’. If you walk back towards my new best Jesus and then turn left at the ocean there is a beautiful walk along the Playa de la Concha (Playa meaning beach). It was an absolutely gorgeous day, the beach was packed and the water was icy Atlantic cold. Bit nippy for us Aussies.

On the way there I discovered a very pretty garden of annuals with a spectacular view at the Miramar Palace

At the end of the beach is an old fashioned Funicular that takes you up to the old lighthouse that was originally powered by fire. No wonder there are no trees left! At the top of the 2 minute 3 Euro ride in the rickety red carriage is one of the tackiest fun parks for us oldies but would be a godsend if you were travelling with littlies for a little crazy time. I did find these mushrooms a little disturbing.

Adios San Sebastián Hola Segovia. I’m finally allowed to say I’m in Spain. Ole’! Five hours on a train complete with dining car with bar so no need for a picnic. I’m pretty sure we were the loudest people in the train once again. We found a stray off duty Intrepid Tour Guide on his way to the airport in Madrid and adopted him. We broke out a bottle of wine from Bordeaux in his honour. He didn’t enjoy the train trip at all!

We arrived very late at night so get no real feel for the town until the morning. Jaime, with a big smirk on his face lead us to Hostal Don Jaime. Very appropriate. Ole’! Nice rooms, great bathrooms but the wifi don’t work. Most places in France and Spain offer free wifi but it is often temperamental. Just live with it. They do their best.

THE AQUEDUCT! I had no idea and there are no words for this marvel. Standing beneath it is surreal as it so big, I feel I am on a movie set. Its method of construction alone is hard to believe. Made by the Romans (ie by their slaves), slotted together with no cement and built of granite. There is no granite to be found anywhere near here as this is limestone country. It would have had to brought from Italy or god only knows where. The science alone needed to construct something that carries water at just the right speed without technology is awe inspiring. Falcons seem to love wheeling in the thermals above.

Speaking of God and limestone, the Cathedral of Segovia was on my visit list now that I’ve got me some religion. The building left me cold. I mean that literally. Take a cardigan, the place is bloody freezing!! Constructed of limestone with majestically high ceilings, stained glass, statues, sculptures and an impressive collection of paintings dating from the 13th Century. I found a room of paintings dedicated to my favourite girl Mother Mary unlike any I’d ever seen before. Just beautiful. Big signs asked you in words and pictures to please not take photos but the usual disrespectful idiots ignore it.

The cathedral was originally dedicated to Santa Maria, got destroyed in one of their numerous wars, rebuilt and now dedicated to The Ascension of Maria to Heaven. Explains all the Mary pictures. One environmental but hilarious innovation used in the cathedral is sensor lighting. If you walk into one of the many chapels dedicated to various saints, the light comes on illuminating the featured saint in all their gaudy glory. “I see the light!” After a suitable interval “lights out!” I had a bit of fun walking in and out of a few over and over. Very mature.

ALCAZAR.
Our visit to this impressive monument was enhanced by not one but innumerable school excursion groups of teenagers that one of our group is allergic to and now this malady has infected us all. We also had a group of Japanese tourists that physically pushed us out of their way in the castle. Happy days.

This 12th Century building is my new castle. You may visit me if you like. Fairytale turrets outside, unbelievable ceilings inside. I spent a lot of time looking up. Home to the Castile royalty throughout the Middle Ages then later a prison for two hundred years and now tourist destination. The museum section has amongst its many treasures an impressive collection of hand made books of which two are dedicated to botany and plants. The garden was in keeping with the spirit of this most horticultural of adventures “Under Construction.”

I found my knight in shining armour again and this time he had a horse. Giddyup.

ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY TWO STEPS! This the highlight of the visit. Count them, 152 thigh burning calf muscle screaming steps up the narrow stone spiral staircase of Tower of Juan 2. The view from the top is spectacular once you can breathe and see straight again. Segovia has resident birds that I think are herons that nest atop trees and buildings and we are lucky to be here when their chicks have hatched and get to watch them being mums.

The trees are a pine Abies Pinsapo Boiss the sign tells me. The trip back down the narrow 152 steps is even more of an experience as we navigate past the many many many teenagers.

Segovia is littered with remnants of its Roman settlement. This statue of a half lion half woman statue is missing her nose. Why is the nose always the first to go? It must be a stop on the Camino as we found one of their very helpful shells along the road to Alcazar.

There is very little horticulture here. What I could find is boring old Box hedge and the odd tree. Segovia is all about the Aqueduct for me and once I climbed up yet more stairs to the top I was rewarded with a sweet Viburnum in flower covered in bees drunk on the nectar and a spectacular view.

And the less said about the suckling pig we had for dinner the better. We’ve all agreed to never speak of it again

NEXT STOP MADRID